Texas defensive coordinator Will Muschamp is the Boom King. (Language: awesome, but NSFW.) Correction: the prince-in-waiting of BOOM, a status made official by the University of Texas today when it announced their intentions to make Will Muschamp the next head coach at Texas, eventually succeeding current Longhorns coach Mack Brown.

This might not happen until 2009 if you follow the money, and perhaps not for a while after that.  Muschamp's salary will bump to $900K after January of 2009, his first year in training wheels, but the vague timelines built into the deal are intentional and flexible. The move accomplishes several things simultaneously, and all of them are completely flipping brilliant.

1. It answers succession questions and addresses issues of long-term stability. Mack Brown owns the Texas high school recruiting scene, and will be able to answer the questions of long-term program stability and his own advancing age by introducing a dynamic young name like Muschamp. "People who give me whatever mutant athletes I want, Will; Will, people who give me whatever athletes I want. Nice to introduce you two." The pay isn't head coach pay--yet--but the on-the-job training and benefits package is going to be insane.

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Earlier today, we discussed the tragedy that occurred in Fairfax, VA, where the Mason athletic department decided to kill off Gunston, the ambiguous green blob, in favor of some pumpkin-headed, chisel-chinned freak of a mascot.

Well, we’ve come across some more upsetting mascot news. First, we travel to Tampa, where -- earmuffs kids -- the actual human being inside Raymond has been fired for no apparent reason:

"I'm just as confused as everyone else," [Kelly Frank] said. "I really didn't get an explanation."

Frank said she was praised as recently as three weeks ago, when her supervisors told her she out-enthused the Philadelphia Phillies mascot, the Phillie Phanatic, during the World Series.

Out-enthuse the Phanatic? Impossible. But I’m certain she never lost a dance-off, which is the key ingredient to being a successful mascot. (Or Miami Hurricane fan):

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Oh, how unprofessional of us. We somehow failed to mention Jimmie Johnson's third straight NASCAR championship yesterday. For shame. We're sure it was thrilling. So, to honor this accomplishment, here's a video of Johnson in a post-race interview being asked about, well ... just watch:

Oh, I'm sure he'll find a way. Although it might be difficult with that nightmare fuel of a laugh cackling away in his memory banks.

(Video via Brooks)

Yesterday, everything was cool with Mavs veteran Jerry Stackhouse stuck in street clothes. What a difference a day makes; while Stack hasn't exactly demanded a trade, he's working hard at whatever the more polite equivalent would be. From the Star-Telegram's Full-Court Press:

Stackhouse was adamant that he is not demanding a trade and that he remains loyal to the franchise, but he is seeking a resolution he hopes can both benefit him and the team.

"I'm exploring options," Stackhouse said after the Mavs' Monday workout in Charlotte, N.C. "The team is always going to protect itself, I can't force their hand to do anything. I don't really know all the options right now. I talked to [agent] Jeff [Schwartz] yesterday. We've had dialogue over the last few weeks. I think it's to the point now where it's time to start researching some things and seeing if there's other possibilities that make more sense for me right now.

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Italian soccer players are known for innovative play. For the better part of a century the Azzurri, for example, have played a third of international matches writhing on the ground and grabbing perfectly healthy ankles. Why they do this is a mystery to me and to scientists the world 'round, but it is innovative in that no one does it as well, and that like most other innovative things it really, really pisses people off.

Another innovation from Italian soccer: pulling your pants down to distract the goalie. (Go full-screen here, not because you want to see men pulling their pants down, but because it's a bit difficult to see.)
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Ricky “Hit Man” Hatton, like many a rapscallion from Manchester, likes a pint of warm lager now and then. Not exactly a crime, is it? Last year, after he got KTFO by Floyd Mayweather, he reportedly went on a mother of a binge, bit of an epic really that ended up making the press and whatnot. But bloody bleedin' hell, you’d set off on a binge too if you’d just been completely gob-stopped by a trash-talking loudmouth in front of a stadium full of your fans singing your bloody ble